Where's the Water?

When you find the perfect wedding site nestled up in the hills high above your city, you are taken with the view, the ambiance, the garden  you can imagine what the hanging lights in the trees will look like in your magical romantic outdoor ballroom.

It isn't until you have already hired the caterer, paid for the site, the photographer, etc. etc, when you are asked by the caterer in a walkthrough meeting at the property, “so where is the water source to rinse dishes or use to make coffee or tea?”

Unless there is an outdoor shower, most properties use grey water for their gardens to conserve water by recycling water and using runoff water when safe to keep the fresh water use down not only because of cost, but to be ecologically aware.

That's why it is advisable to hold about 5% of your total budget aside for the unexpected.  Sometimes the services will need to bill you for extra water for flower prep or food prep and table side water glasses so everyone will be able to enjoy safe drinking water.

Figure on 16 oz of water for dinner at the table for each guest and another 16 oz. for coffee, tea, or water during cocktail hour and beyond.  That doesn't count water to cook pasta if needed or water to wash hands in the kitchen. You can count on needing a quart of water per person for the wedding day, beside the other liquid offerings.

Ice for drinks, cooling wine and champagne along with keeping your any food on ice is extra too.

A good way to make sure you don't forget the details is to make a drawing of the table top and put circles on the paper for each glass, large circles for each plate, and flatware you intend to use on the table tops. Writing the type of liquid you intend to serve, or food for each size of plate, makes sure you haven't forgotten anything necessary for your guest tables. You can check the diagram identifications with the rental list and check off the items from the list and compare with the drawing.

Some pre planning really makes the difference in the long run!

Sara and Mike, Palm Desert CA

Click image above for full gallery. Photography by James Johnson Photography From the summer of '05 when Sara was smitten when she and Mike spent time together in Tijuana with mutual friends. Soon after they became an item.  Six years later, this amazing couple came together in the bride's mother's desert hillside home. They discovered along the way that they both wanted to pursue scientific careers and infused their interest in biochemistry and mechanical engineering in accessories for their wedding day. The escort cards from chemical identification cards, favors in test tubes with a rocket charm, and dry iced enhanced cocktails served out of test tubes all gave special touches to this Summer oasis wedding.

"Your wedding must be planned, but no matter how planned it is, it will still be a day that just happens and it will thrill you. Every bride needs to let go of all anxiety and just know that it will be perfect beforehand, because it really will be".

Tobey's to-do lists were so helpful; the bridal books just don't have the experience and insight for solving difficult planning details.

Sara sent me her words of wisdom recently and I wanted to share her thoughts to future brides and grooms. "Relationships are all as unique as the people that are in them. Because no one approach to love will work for everyone, great relationships are like snowflakes, not equations. And a wedding is no different"!

He popped the question, now what?

After the glow of getting engaged and staring at that beautiful ring on your finger, it's time to figure out what to do next.

Here are the top ten things to think about before you sign on the dotted line for anything!

1. Consider all families included in the wedding for setting the date and location of the wedding by finding out about vacations, holiday rituals, and work and school schedules.
2. The big "B" word needs to be addressed as soon as possible. Figure what everyone can contribute ($$'s) to the wedding weekend budget. I say wedding weekend since the growing trend, even in these economic challenging times is to have a joint effort to accommodate out of town guests in the rehearsal dinner, the wedding day expenses, and often a casual brunch the following morning after the wedding day.
3. When you are thinking about locations and budget, make sure you have in mind an atmosphere you want to create. Some locations come with everything done for you, but others are a blank canvas and you have to use a lot of imagination or rely on event professionals to help you make your vision come to life. Either way, before you sign on the dotted line, know what it is going to cost in time, money, and creativity to make your environment reflect the ambience you want.
4. If you are the type of couple that would like to plan the wedding yourself by handling the expenditures and making the major decisions, please ask all parties contributing to have a wedding account that you manage. Having to go to each party to ask for funds as you go along invites questions that you might not want to have to answer or justify your desires. Hopefully everyone trusts your judgment and once you do your do diligence in investigating services and sites, you can focus on getting what you want and like instead of negotiating every purchase or decision you make to the bitter end.
5. No two people will agree on everything, so get use to the idea that you may not see eye to eye in all ways. Make a list of the top three priorities you have for services and see how close you really are in agreeing. Even if you don't agree on something, make sure that you present a unified front to parents and family assisting you financially. You will face a lot of stress unnecessarily when you air your differences in front of others. You might get more than you bargained for in a no hold bars discussion.
6. This is such a wonderful and exciting time in your life, but it's important to keep wedding planning in proportion to the rest of your life you are creating together. Try to create pockets of time where wedding plans are off limits and concentrate on anything else so you don't feel so consumed by party planning.
7. Even if you are not sure exactly who will be attending the wedding ceremony and reception, gather a guest list from both sides of the family of each of you, along with lists of each of your friends before you go site shopping. It's impossible to know for sure how many of your closest and dearest will come, but figure you want a location that will be OK if 20 % more or less will eventually will attend.
8. It's best to think about whom you would like to be in your wedding party as soon as you can. Everyone has old friends, family members, and more recent but close friends that could be potential wedding party members. The more notice you give the better, since it is no small commitment to be a wedding party member these days. With bachelorette and bachelor parties, showers, wedding present, wedding attire, and beauty services, it really starts to add up. If the honored attendants live outside the area where you are now, it's even more of a commitment for them to participate. They may need a little time to figure out the "money" or talk with their family and take into consideration their work situation. Have a couple of people in mind for back up just in case your initial choices won't be able to participate.
9. After doing your do diligence in order to find out what your taste really costs, be sure to hold aside up to 10% of your overall budget for surprises and the unexpected.
10. Keep your sense of humor! There are bound to be some unexpected actions or conversations you would have rather not have had to have. But with not taking yourself or selves too seriously, you will be able to weather any storms that might blow through once in a while.

Preparing for an Out of Town Wedding doesn't have to bring Out of Site Challenges

With greater speed, mobility, and access to information, working from a distance, on the surface, should be just as efficient and productive as preparing or a wedding locally. Today it's easier to leave messages, scan anything needed from budgets to diagrams. Therefore, much of the legwork can be done over the phone; via blackberry or cable lines just about anywhere you live and work.

When it comes to weddings though, the old adage, "seeing is believing" is alive and well. No matter how many photos, descriptions, samples on line you look at, when it comes to making final decisions, it's important to make time for those in person meetings with sites and services.

The task of setting up meetings with sites and services to meet is standard practice for a wedding planner. The challenge for the planner comes when you are coming into town on the weekends and the very services you want to meet with are out working on those precious weekend events.

It all comes down to lots of advance planning, being selective about the services you arrange to meet in person, having sufficient blocks of time needed to interview and review while you are in town.

It's wise to make sure with your planner if using one, just how many trips it will take to do the physical side of the planning with potential sites and services. Ideally it's best to allow a minimum of 9 to 12 months ahead of the wedding day for planning to make sure that both you and potential wedding services/sites will have enough time to arrange for visits and meetings at convenient times for all concerned.

Since time is of the essence, being selective about which wedding services and how many meetings can be scheduled within a couple of days really makes a difference to the quality and productivity of each trip. It's ideal if you can manage to have the services meet at the event location, selecting no more than two services per category, especially if
these suggested services haven't had the opportunity to work at the selected event site. Carving out 45 minutes per interview meeting with 15 minutes on the front end and back end of each meeting to take care of bad traffic or unexpected extra time needed will keep you on track time wise. Obviously it's best to not have two of the same service come to the event site too close together to avoid any embarrassing or awkward moments.

When traveling to and from services if needed, it's great if you can bring lunch or snacks to consume at the various offices you visit. A cooler in the trunk stocked with sandwiches, snacks, cold drinks, and paper goods gives everyone a few moments to relax and get better acquainted and not feel like they are on a merry go round of unending appointments.

Figure on a minimum of three trips to the wedding site city; first to meet and select all major wedding services (Clergy, photographer, entertainment, flowers, and potential sites). Second trip is set aside to visit sites for accommodations for family and close friends traveling to the wedding, cake/dessert design decisions for décor and rentals, hair and make up artists and videographers.

Fortunately, you can decide to handle invitations and stationery in the city where you live. The third visit would include the tasting to finalize the menu, a sample centerpiece and décor meeting with sample linen, chairs, and lighting companies. With numerous email exchanges and scheduled telephone chats to hammer out the budgetary choices and finer details for scheduling purposes, you will have a handle on the look, cost, feel, and pace of the wedding day.


In order to be as efficient and productive while you are in town, it's best to confirm all meetings at least 24 hours ahead with services and sites. You can also elect if you are working with a planner to have them do that for you depending on the level of service you have contracted with he or she. If you are running early or late for any reason, just give the site or service a call and work out the change as soon as possible if needed.

Hopefully, with enough advance planning, adequate open weekends to handle the extra necessary meetings, planning an out of town wedding will actually be a fun adventure and help minimize the stresses and challenges for everyone involved.

Keeping the Sparkle in New Years Eve Weddings

From time to time I am asked how to plan and schedule a New Years Eve wedding. It can be a very fun and festive way to bring in the New Year and celebrate a new beginning in your lives as well. Here are some suggestions for the timing of the evening to insure that your wedding flows nicely, everyone stays until midnight to ring in the new year together with good wishes too.

1. Invite your guests for a cocktail party start at 8 PM if you have the bucks to entice your guests to begin celebrating early in the evening.

This allows time for traffic in case it's a work day and your guests are  traveling from a distance. You can have a good wish stack of cards where the guests write down their one wish for the bride and groom signed by the guest/s, and another wish card written and signed by the guest/s for them to fill out making a good wish in the new year for themselves. As the guests depart  their wishes have been added to a small gift box and they are asked to open it up on the next new years eve. The bride and groom have written a message of thanks in a card attached to the box with each guest name, and inside is the wish the guests had hoped to be granted and another wish the bride and groom wrote for the guest as well. It's a lot of work if you are having a large wedding, but what a wonderful idea if both wishes come true or at least the wishes are similar. We all need a little surprise and wonder in our lives. (During the evening, helpers have been matching up the names of the wishes with boxes for each guest).

2. Start moving guests to the ceremony area by 9 PM and begin your ceremony by 9:15 PM

3. Ceremony concludes approximately 9:45, guests move to room where dinner and dancing will be starting.

4. Bride and groom are introduced and have their first dance by 10:00PM, with short dance set with all guests and wedding party follows.

5. First course about 10:20 with the Best Man and Maid of Honor toasts given during the conclusion of either the first course. Since this is a special holiday as well as a wedding reception, the father/daughter dance usually held until the end of the main course is done a little earlier in the evening, coming after the second course with comments by the Father of the Bride before he dances with his daughter. A short dance following with all the guests.

6. Try to have the main course served by 11:15 PM and conclude about 11:45 PM when the bride and groom will say a few words, cut the cake, and everyone toasts in the new year  at 12 midnight.  The streamers, horns, confetti that were placed on the guest tables earlier in the evening  are blown and thrown as the guests are encouraged to join the bride and groom on the dance floor.   Everyone is on the dance floor and the bride and groom are raised on chairs to the delight of the guests.

7. Guests enjoy the music and desserts until 1 AM when guests depart and receive their parting gifts. Keep it fun, keep it safe, lots of cabs waiting for the hardy party attendees(good idea to pre book cabs on a holiday), have cash on hand for your guests who may not be in the best shape and need a cab, or even arrange for a bus if finances allow for the out of towners to return to their hotels by a coach!

Cheers,

Tobey